The Daily Sabs

my mom -- as you may have suspected -- is a bit of a character. and since i am the lucky child, i am privy to this over the phone more often than my siblings. (and by lucky i mean the one with a job she feels she can interrupt because she doesn't understand what i do anyways -- which you know, sometimes i don't either).

when she calls she doesn't say hello. she just jumps directly into conversation. sometimes she just wants you to spell things, sometimes she needs you to look stuff up for her, and sometimes she just calls to say hi. oh and she calls at all times of the day or night, 9am, 9pm, 11am, 11pm, it doesn't matter. she once called me at 10:30am to spell the word "poop" - no joke.

i actually strangely love her calls. sure she drives me crazy half the time, but the calls are rather endearing. the only thing that drives me absolutely mad is the fact that she doesn't say goodbye. when she's done with you she sort of just hangs up, and you're left going "so um yah...hello? are you there?"

*sigh*

my morm has this thing she says. the phrase is, "that's a peautiful."

we're not sure if it was meant to be beautiful or pitiful. we think it was supposed to be pitiful, but we prefer the idea of her fully understanding sarcasm and saying beautiful instead. for example, if you tell her that someone sent the wrong paperwork, she would say, "that's just peautiful." -- see, it could be pitiful (as in they did a pitiful job) or beautiful (as a sarcastic way of saying they screwed up).

to be honest, we still haven't figured it out, but it doesn't really matter now. you see, the two words have become fully interchangable. that's right, in our household we use the same word for beautiful and pitiful. for example, you can say, "the weather is gorgeous, it's so peautiful outside today." or you could say, "he did a peautiful job and totally screwed up the order." sure it's a bit confusing, but i prefer to think of it as open to interpretation.

so you tell me, was it a peautiful day, or a peautiful day?

this is me digging through my bag. this is pretty much the scene anytime i leave my house, get to the end of a checkout line, or while i'm at work and suddenly need lipgloss. you see the bag is too big, and things are always getting lost in it. most recently i lost a bunch of rocks in it. at least, i think i did. i mean it's really the only explanation on why a bag this size can weigh so dang much.

ps. this sweater is not from the old lady collection, although it was handed down to me from my mom. the thing is while it looks like an old lady sweater it was actually hers when she was my age. it's horribly big and my mom thinks i look a slop in it (as in can't you get a better sweater kind of slop) and wonders why i would want to wear that old thing when she has much more "fashionable" sweaters in her closet. while it is too dang big, it happens to be amazingly cozy  and is one of my new favorite things.

pps. the outdated rock joke is not even mine, it's randall's. everytime i ask him to hold my bag -- this one or anyone -- he asks why i carry rocks around.

ppps. i am pretty sure i can see my breath inside my house right now. just thought i'd share.

I recently got married, and with marriage comes a big ol' Chinese wedding banquet. Ours is finally happening this weekend, and I will be wearing this dress (yellow scarf -- which is really quite bright -- courtesy of Angelica). The dress was sort of an ordeal, I bought it three weeks ago on the internet, brought it a tailor for alternations and picked it up today. I've known about this event for months, but it wasn't my fault this time.

And now, in what will surely be the first of many morm stories, I present you with the reason why.

Four months ago, when we were setting the date for the banquet I asked my mom if should wear a qipao (a traditional chinese dress). This is how the conversation went:

Me: So should I wear a qipao? Where can I get one, is that what you want me to do?
Her: Oh well a you know, I don't think that is a gonna look so good on you. You know, you not a skinny girl. I think maybe it's not such a good ideas.
Me: *sigh* (btw, that sort of statement is not unusual coming out of her mouth) Fine, what do you want me to wear then? Can I wear my regular wedding dress?
Her: Yes, that is a good. No one is going to expect to see you in a Chinese dress anyways to it.

Fast-forward to three weeks ago where she calls me and asked what I would be wearing.

Me: Um, my wedding dress.
Her: (long pause) Oh well you know, I just a thought maybe you want to wear something more tradition style.
Me: Like the qipao you said i was too fat for?
Her: What? Nooooo, Mommy (yes she talks about herself in the third person) never said that. I think it would be a nice.
Me: What? You totally said I was too fat for that, and now you give me 3 weeks to get one?
Her: Well you know, it doesn't have to be a qipao. Just a nice dress. You know, like an evening gown. Don't you has a one in your closet? Something nice with a little sparkle?
Me: (silent, totally dumbstruck by the idea that i might have an evening gown in my closet) What?
Her: Well can you go Macy Nordstro and get one?

-- insert long argument about how angry I am to find out now as opposed when I asked during prom season (you know, when "Macy Nordstro" would be littered with fancy sparkle dresses)would be full of shiny evening gowns --

Me: Fine. What color?
Her: Any color, but not a black.... or a blue.. or green or a yellow. 
Me: So you're saying you want me to get a red evening gown?
Her: Well it could be a pink you know. Doesn't have to be red. And you know, some sequin shiny would be nice too.